i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
