idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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