Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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