the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
