what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
