My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
