my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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