You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
