Umm I'm too high to move.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Randomize