he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
