I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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