Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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