My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
