the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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