i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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