Define "chronic" masturbator.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize