why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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