summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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