Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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