tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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