we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
