If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
