I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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