i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
