Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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