Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
