He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
