OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We named our party play list daddy issues
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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