You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
