When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
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He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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