There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
