im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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