im about as happy as oj after his trial
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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