i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize