i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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