Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
