Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
