two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
