I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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