3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
