i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
