So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
