girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
