We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
