I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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