oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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