In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize