Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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