guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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