Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
