Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
