He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
