At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
