hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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