Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
