i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
