In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
