you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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