U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
