I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
