my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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