Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
