Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
