its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
