I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
