Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
