ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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