babies were throwing up all over the place
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
