sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
