I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
