moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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