If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
so much tequila, so little girl.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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