dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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