I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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