I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
