Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My bed smells like the plague
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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