My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
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Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
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Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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