that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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