Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
