He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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